Here A Little, There A Little

Wednesday, March 28, 2012 11:40 AM

Seems to be the theme of my mission right now :)

Everyone has struggles, right? I have been doing a lot of studying and pondering about the Prophet Joseph Smith and really refocussing on what my purpose is here in Italy. I know that I am on my last leg, and yet I feel I have so much more to learn and do and with all of that...everything started to bog me down. Thoughts of frustration as to my being sick all the time and not getting up to study and then just being unmotivated, mainly because I didn't feel well. And just when you are at the end of your rope, and you can't find the strength to tie a knot and hang on, the Lord does it for you. The Lord tied the knot at the end of my rope for me through the realization that General Conference is in only a few days and that President was inspired to do training with just the Sisters. I had been having nightmares that I was being sent home, released and that the Lord wasn't pleased with my work. Yeah, definite nightmare. I just have this fear of jumping right in and talking with people about this gospel, and I haven't yet learned how to conquer it. And then our beautiful training helped me out so much and I gleaned some tips to help me.

I have come to truly love my mission and that it has really shaped my life for the rest of eternity. Sorella Wolfgramm gave me so much comfort in her words that our mission doesn't stop in Italy. We gain the tools here in the mission to help us be missionaries for the rest of our lives. And just as I am thinking "I only have so many months left and I better do EVERYTHING in order to receive the Lord's promised blessings..." It's not true. As long as I am growing and learning and pushing towards the goal, the Lord still will bless us and myself. Each area has a different form of missionary work, and I have come to see that my mission has been working with members and bringing back the lost sheep. Helping people understand what unity is and how to bring in the fold. That has been such a blessing...for members to come up and hug me, just because we went and saw them that past week. People actually excited to see the missionaries and then helping them realize that they CAN share the gospel. The work dies without the help of members, and so my companion and I are trying to light the fire within them and go from there.

I hope you all read my brother's email this past week, a letter which touched my heart and was so grateful that he had the blessing to experience what he did. The world is so different in every country and even between genders of missionaries. I see so many people, and I want to help them...but we can't. We can't offer money, and I try not to let my heart be hardened because a lot of these gypsies choose this life...to beg and live on the streets. It frustrates me sometimes to see these women get on the busses and metro's and put on their "moaning voice" and have their children be dirty and hungry. Jesus Christ helped those He could, but I KNOW that we must help ourselves. I always want to offer them the gospel of JEsus Christ but they don't want to listen. If you can't give them money, you are no use in their life. BUt to have seen my brother and his companion offer that man a fishing pole and a pizza, I cried. How I remember that December day, and how I wish I could have acted faster. I just can't help but say, if you feel impressed to do something, you must do it. I testify that we, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ, must do as my brother did and lift the weary hands that hang down. Yes, okay, we must remember our own safety, but I must remember that the Lord will guide us to those who WILL receive our word, or who we CAN share a bit of bread.

And thus I realize that if this letter is a little whiney, I apologize. But missions are not always roses and candy canes. THe times you struggle are the times that the Lord is preparing you for something bigger than yourself. Jospeh Smith, whenever he would play the game of stick-pull would always say that "The Lord brings us low so that He can lift us higher" How blessed we are to have the prophets and apostles to speak to us, and how my testimony has grown in their behalf. I KNOW that if we come to conference with questions, the Lord will answer them. Conference for missionaries is like Christmas..and when we receive the conference issue in English...the best present in the WORLD!! How grateful I am for this.

WIth all these hard times, I have come to have a greater testimony of the Prophet Joseph Smith and how true this gospel is. I know it is true, and I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God. All in all, my struggles come from beating myself up at my lack of ability to just tell someone about the Book on the bus or the metro. BUT I AM working on it, and that is what is important. I KNOW that people see the difference in our lives, and that they DO see the light, but then they choose to pervert it and say horrible things. Ugh, what a fine balance between loving the sinner and hating the sin..even when the words they use are vulgar and crude. And I guess I am so fired up about this because on our way to the QUESTURA today a man approached me on his bike and was a...nasty. And thus it made me SO ANGRY to think that men think that THEY can talk to me like that. Yesh, I am madder then a wet hen about it all!!!!!!!! WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE?! What a noob. Well, anyways, getting into the QUestura it was a little crazy, and a long time of waiting, but we ended up meeting a beautiful woman from Egypt named Emmy. She had been waiting in line, and when they told us to go wait in another room she freaked. Her face was just flustered and she called her friend and started speaking in perfect English. She was panicking because she didn't know what to do and couldn't understand what was being said and was about to cry. And I just opened my mouth, while she was on the phone, and asked her if she would like for me to translate. And she looked at me...looked at me like I was a ghost or something. She couldn't believe I spoke English. Next thing, she tells her friend that two angels have come to help her...and so we did. I translated for her and helped her get her permesso and by the end of leaving she asked if we could meet with her again. She is muslim, but she would like to know more...and that she was grateful that we literally were her angels and that we saved her. I laughed and said, "well, you could say that this is our job :)" We exchanged numbers and we look forward to meeting with her again.

Okay, miracles do happen still... Yes, they sure do. Speaking of which, we have a new family named Francesca, Vincenzo, and Fillipo. They are a family that needs all the help that the gospel brings...they are making progress and have been a testimony builder for me that the gospel really starts in the home. Haha, they make me laugh after every lesson because PATIENCE comes through them :)) 

Happy Conference and listen intently, the Lord has much for us to learn at this time! This I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen

baci e abracci,

sorella bowman

You first must be in the way in order to get out of the way...

Wednesday, March 21, 2012 9:37 AM

Does that make any sense? We had a training specifically about this this past week. In order for someone to say to you "hey get out of the way..." You have to be in their line of direction in the first place, right? So, our training was all about being in the way of the Lord and coming to understand what He wants for you. You first have to be in the way, and then be willing to step out of it so that He can direct you to where EXACTLY He needs you to be. We had some wonderful training by President and then we watched a WONDERFUL MTC talk given by Elder Holland in January 2011...Which I am pretty sure you attended Elder Bowman..(I need an older sister moment...) WHAT THE HECK!??! WHY DIDN'T YOU WRITE HOME ABOUT HOW AMAZING THAT TALK WAS?!?! PROPRIO...JUST AWE INSPIRING AND LIFE CHANGING!! It's a good thing you're a bit of a ways off because you would SO be in castigo right now ;) And speaking of which, you should tell your Italian friends that I am here in Italy! I am sure they would have SO much fun stuff to tell you about!! Okay, so anyways, I hope you learned as much as I did from his talk...

Elder Holland has, once again, changed my life and my mission. He spoke about how precious our missions need to be and how hard we really do need to work! Elder Hudson! I am SO EXCITED for you to go and labor in the Lord's field in good ol' Utah! You are NEEDED there and people are WAITING for YOU to find them! We must treasure up our missions and work hard to allow the Lord to use us in His plans. Sorella Wolfgramm and President Wolfgramm had a Mission President's training in Germany and they spoke to us about being justified and sanctified through the Atonement. And what a light that brought into my life...something I have been searching for. My past mistakes were justified...I have repented and I have moved on the greater and better things...but when does the sanctification come? When does the guilt leave and the scarlett is washed white through the blood of the Lamb? Sanctification, I believe, comes in many different ways and only in ways that the Lord knows you will pay attention to. During that conference, I received such a wonderful sense of peace and a strong confirmation on many things...as to which I broke down in tears and felt the Lord's love for me...and felt the CLEANSING power of the Atonement and the washing away of all guilt. It's real. The Atonement is real. Most times, if not all, the most beautiful miracles come in unanswered prayers because we see how the Lord guided us to what was "best" for us in our lives. Thank you Dad.

Each week we have to share a miracle with President Wolfgramm...I included this insight with him, and I will go ahead and explain further what the "white jacket" is...He has been using my experience in these last trainings to share with others and so I didn't repeat it to him...nonetheless: 

 I have already mentioned the "white jacket" miracle but I must say a miracle that I saw happened yesterday when we had a lesson with a certain family of the bishopric. As we entered their home, things started out a little crazy..what with kids showing off and all that jazz. But eventually we got right to the lesson that turned out to be so spiritual it was absolutely amazing. THe daughter, only 14 (which freaked me out because she's the same age as my sister and doesn't look like it) was having some troubles that I could relate too. The miracle of it all was me finally learning and coming to terms with how the Lord has beautifully guided my life. As I sat there and taught, bearing my testimony of things I KNOW to be true....the things that I knew coming only through struggle and frustration, prayer and desire. You come to find that, sometimes, the greatest miracles unanswered prayers and the Lord loving you enough to cut you down. I am really grateful that I'm a currant bush which is lovingly being trimmed by the Lord's all knowing hands   

This week has been difficult for me. I have been struggling with headaches, fatigue, tiredness and swollen everything. I have been really, REALLY struggling to get up on time...in fact I haven't been able to do it at all for the past week. But my companion continues to tell me that "Rome wasn't built in a day...We'll get this, little by little." But thus, I know that the Lord knows of my frustrations and how I am trying SO HARD to finish my mission waving the Title of Liberty to everyone I can...I  really am! And yet, I still fall short. But, a tender mercy was given to me from the Lord...just to let me know that He hasn't forgotten me. President Ucthdorf's talk from the Women's General Conference last year: "Forget-Me-Not"...Sisters, read it again. I testify that it is true!! But, on Friday night I put it into my heart that I really want to gem this city and I really want to bring it BACK to the Lord. (Milano 3) A LOT of mistakes have been made and are BEING made and so Sorella Hanks and I have been doing a LOT of clean up and still have a LOT of cleaning up to do. People are just slipping through the cracks! But Friday night I prayed unto the Lord to forgive me, to thank Him for His gentle mercies, and also if He would be willing to help us reach 20 lessons or at least find someone to teach and talk to. As I sat there pondering, I had...well a "visions" you could say. I felt that at 12:00 noon we would need to go down to the Metro Station and there would be someone in a white jacket near a pole. And as I sat pondering, I remembered that we had an appointment at 1:00 and we wouldn't be able to be by the station at noon because we needed to figure out where the appointment lived. Nevertheless I just said "Okay Heavenly Father, if that's where we need to be, I know thou wilt make it happen." And thus I went to sleep. NEXT MORNING: Things are just going great! Started the day off with a great breakfast of a healthy green drink and started our planning right off the bat! We started having some really great success and then, we get a call...our 1:00 appointment cancels. I look at my companion and share my experience. She looks at me and we decide to pray about it ...Noon it is, right at the Famagosta Station. So we keep planning and 11:30 rolls around...then 11:35...and I panic a bit because we REALLY need to plan! But we pray about it again and all I could feel was this peace and a little voice saying "Go" Alright, I make the final decision and we go. So we start walking and for some reason, my mind starts filling with doubt. "Who's going to be wearing a white jacket? Who even WEARS white jackets?" And then it was like the Lord being funny...I rememberd that I wear a white jacket. So I left all doubt behind and started looking. We arrive at the station at 11:58 and we see a man IN A WHITE JACKET board the bus....okay, that must not be him. Then off in the distance my companion sees SOMEONE walking in a white jacket...and so we "casually" go after, what we find out to be, her. As we arrive, we look at the clock and it says 12:15...but on the other side it says 12:00. For some reason, I felt to just play along and check a few times....and this young lady starts laughing and talking to us. She is 26, named Paola, searching for the light and the road that she needs to take. She was leaning by a pole, in a white jacket, at exactly 12:00 noon. She was waiting for a bus that she has only had to take for this second time in over 3 years...she was going to get a package that her mother sent for her. As we started talking, we couldn't teach much, but we testified and promised her that this was the road she was searching for. IN the back of my mind, I also remembered from my "vision" that we wouldn't have a lot of time...maybe 20 minutes...mainly 15. So we teach, talk, and testify and she says that she would like to learn more. ANd thus, I move in, exchange numbers and right then the bus comes. I look wave goodbye, say we'll call, and look at the clock 12:18...Miracles.

I know that the Lord lives and that He loves me and each and every one of us. I am so grateful for His love and the tiny miracles He shows me, each and everyday. That's all for now!

until next time,

sorella bowman

p.s. Gaetano doesn't really want to learn anymore...He brought beer to the last activity (after we explained that it wasn't okay) and he didn't think it was all that great. But he still wants to come to the activity..so...little by little eh? Funny things DO happen!!

You Can't Help But Think of the Future...

Saturday, March 17, 2012 12:50 PM

BUONGIORNO TUTTI!!

Yes, yes, I know...Don't think of the future, just think of right here...right now! But honestly, when dates and times start piling up and panic sets in that you only have THIS MUCH TIME LEFT...it's amazing how the Lord helps you submerge yourself in the work and forget...if only for a little bit. But, I can't help but notice how FAST the days go by...I don't remember time flying like this when I was home!! For crying out loud, we are getting ready for CONFERENCE!! That was 6 months ago!? And...in 2 days, (I just noticed the date on the clock here in the internet cafe), I'll have reached my year mark. Holy Moses...flies by way too fast!! I did receive some emails asking a couple things about my return...I'll be back in the US August 24, 2012 and yes, I will be starting school at BYU-Idaho in September. I'll have like 2 weeks to seem normal...I'm pretty sure I'll be carrying around my planner and such..timing travel time and studies. Haha...it'll be interesting the adjustments I'll need to make :) Haha Ams-I got your letter and don't worry, I'll happily go to the temple with you and I will HAPPILY watch your little chunker so you and Kevin can go on a date. No worries there. When you asked if I would go with you, my first thought was, well heck! I'll just watch Jack-Jack so she and Kevin can go together....and then you beat me to it! So, come middle of september, plan a good one with your hubby because the little chunker is mine!!!

So adjusting to the whole gluten and lactose free thing has been hit and miss every so often. I have been gluten free for quite a while, but I am finding milk does a little trouble too. Yet, I'm getting better and I am FEELING so much better...it's just my ankle now that still gives me troubles. But, all in a day's work, right?

This week was full of miracles...truly! We had 4 investigators in church on Sunday. The Lord literally placed these people in our laps! We found some long, lost less actives and part member families that we are really excited to call and get a move on with them. As we are working with the Assistants, we all felt that it would be really important to work with less actives and get this ward growing again. HOw can we bring in more sheep, if we can't even take care of the flock we have? We are so stressed for BAPTISMS!! BAPTISMS!! BAPTISMS!! And yes, it's truly important, but the scripture about finding the lost sheep has been ringing so strongly in my heart ever since I came to Milano. I can't imagine the joy we will have if we can help these sheep who have really wandered, RETURN unto their Savior once again.

I can't help but be so grateful as to how my mission has changed my life. If any of you reading this are thinking of a mission...do it! Or even if there is a missionary in your family, WRITE THEM! I can't express the joy we feel when we get letters..it's like Christmas on top of the amazing conferences we would have just had. (And yes...NOTE TO ALL MY "FRIENDS": If you haven't written me...awe c'mon! EPIC FAIL!! I want to hear from you!! And of course the " "...I was just joking ;D sort of hahah) But truly, the Lord has blessed my life with so many beautiful experiences, life changing moments, and tools to use in the future to make me a better person, student, wife and mother. Yes there are challenges, but you ALWAYS SEE the hand of the Lord in EVERYTHING that I experience. He has come closer to me in my life than ever before. And now that i think of it, HIS distance hasn't changed...It's me who's done the moving and changing and growing. And this I must be grateful for, and I am.

The Relief Society President said that the work here in Milan is going to grow TREMENDOUSLY and that we all have such a work to do. We have our 19 year old Evangelist Group Leader investigating, and his name is Gaetano. I have to have a LOT of patience with him because he asks SO MANY QUESTIONS and yet listens to NONE of the responses. ONe of the members approached me after church on Sunday and laughed telling me just to relax (he saw me praying during sacrament...and I admitted that yes I was PRAYING that Gaetano would be QUIET!!) But he just laughed and said to allow the ward take care of it. It's amazing how welcoming and friendly this ward is...how patient. I was stressing out because the past wards I've been in, if your investigator isn't "behaving", you better take care of it. Well, this ward isn't this way...and it's such a blessing. The other 2 investigators are a little shaky, but we haven't given up hope. New converts and LA are really a focus right now and the work is going in SUCH a different direction, but I'm sure it's going the way the Lord wants it to be...

That's all there is to report now! Keep us in your prayers to keep up the work of the Lord and bring back the Lost Sheep of His fold!!

love you all,

sorella bowman

Smoggy Skies, Tired Eyes, and Messes that Make You Cry

Wednesday, March 7, 2012 8:45 AM

 

Haha, yeah yeah, I promise this email isn't all glumbum...but..I must say this past week has been such an adventure.

 

Yes, I am now in Milano 3 and the ward is HUGE!! They are so fast paced here, my companion (Sorella Bethany Hanks from Boise, Idaho) and I were WIPED OUT this past Sunday. We left with our heads spinning!! But we are excited for the work and are actually working with the AP's as our companion elders. Our focus is going to be reactivating less actives and baptising part-member families. We have been feeling really bad because of how much cleaning we have been doing (50 euros later and 5 days)...we are finally clean. Any of my guy friends out there...I sure hope you kept your apartment's clean...and are now keeping them clean. If not, for goodness sake...use a broom!! Mom, I will NEVER leave a mess ever again. It was a MONSTER to clean up...grease and dust EVERYWHERE. But now, we feel the Spirit (TRULY...cleanliness is next to Godliness) and now we are working on the area book. We don't have any current investigators, but a boy we keep seeing on the street...I think he and his mother will be future investigators, if not members. THey are Evangelist, but so kind and welcoming. We have an appointment with him tomorrow. He keeps saying to his mom that WE are evangelist too...errr...we'll clean that up tomorrow. :)

 

I am actually super stoked to be here in Milan. Sneezing was our constant companion the first week, but now we are getting used to it. We live in a more tranquil part of the city and are really excited to be here. We walk everywhere (which doesn't help my ankle, it still swells every morning, but I can walk without a brace! FLAT STREETS!!)  and are finally starting to get our feet wet in the city. Sorella Hanks is a GEM to serve with and I'm super blessed to know her. We found a gluten free store just around the corner from our house and that has made all the difference in my ability to work. When I actually ate normal food, I was SO TIRED every single day. I couldn't wake up until at least 10:00...but Sorella Hanks was so kind about it all..."we are only cleaning". So I know I need to be here in Milan and the Lord has blessed me greatly.

 

The weather is finally changing and we are finally moving into Spring!! We actually have been without tights and have actually worn sandals! I love it and am so excited to dig my feet in and let the Lord guide me. Things have been hitting me right and left...next week I'll hit my year mark. MY YEAR MARK!! I'M OLD IN THE MISSION!!! And I feel like I'm just now getting the hang of things...but, thankfully the mission never really ends. You just keep growing from here! I just feel so blessed and am really excited to be in the tranquil part of town...NO SIRENS and NO CRAZY GUIDO YELLING AT 3 IN THE MORNING!! Woo hoo! Sorella Smith went to Firenze and Sorella Nilson is doing very well in Verona.

 

There isn't much to report, only please pray for Sorella Hanks and I to find those who are searching and to lift those families who have sunk down. It would be a wonderful help, seriously. Tonight we are making lasagna but using eggplant instead of noodles...we want to eat as healthy as we can and so far so good! We went to the HUGE fruit and veggie market today, as well as the street market, and are super excited about the treats we can eat!!

 

I really hope this letter isn't sounding whiney...if anything, it's a rough patch but we are still laughing and having so much fun. The work is going to take off and I know the Lord's hand is REALLY in my life right now. It has to be...there isn't any other explanation to anything else :) Love you all!

 

baci e abracci,

sorella bowman

The Mission Suit...

Wednesday, February 29, 2012 12:13 PM


Is unfortunately a VERY REAL THING!! I have seen, eaten, and oh mamma mia...SO. MUCH. FOOD!!! Italy...joke about losing weight...Summer is just around the corner and it's time for me to start losing my "pasta pants"...So here's hoping. Hahaha..VIVA IL CIBO!!

Alright, so I don't know how long this letter is going to be to you all because I have to communicate with my mom and aunt about classes! YIPES! I'm already registering!! And even with this whole process, I just see that the Lord has a plan for each and every one of us. I had registered to attend BYU Provo and I felt ever so strongly about it. And come to find out my application was denied. I had been looking at housing for a while, on account of a letter my grandmother sent me, all back at BYU Idaho. I can't BELIEVE the growth it has all taken!! So, here I am heading to, probably, my final city in my mission and already registering for classes at BYU IDAHO come September. So exciting and so surreal.

Milan. that's where I am headed. A city that I have actually been terrified to serve in. It's dirty, huge, and I have heard such scary stories of men doing weird things to sisters on the trains and busses. Luckily, I have my cute pink bottle of pepper spray...so I carry that around now. But, with all this...I had a feeling that I would be serving there. We are white washing the city...both me and my companion will be brand new...not know a thing of what's going on...haha...I'm pretty sure the Lord just keep re-emphasizing how much I need to rely on Him. And looking back on my experience here in Genova...He sure has blessed me greatly.

I had some wonderful studies this past week...actually reading in the Bible the story of Christ's sacrifice for us...chapter after chapter. With my companion being ill so much, I had so many opportunities to just DIVE IN and I have learned so much with it all. The Book of Mormon and Bible correspond so clearly and pieces that are missing, you find in either of the books! I can't believe how people can skrewy-wompus such a simple and beautiful gospel.

As I leave this city, I ask myself "Have I done all that I could do?" And immediately I just felt within me that the Lord is pleased with my work. *sigh* SUCH A HUGE RELIEF!!! Liz never got baptized, but that does NOT mean she won't...Mauro and Cecilia...when I called them to say goodbye they asked me and my companion to come to dinner and they told me that they were going to surprise me and come to church on Sunday. Little by little right? Oh what a beautiful experience this has been and how grateful, grateful, grateful I am to have served here. It has, literally, changed my life.

I want to testify of the power of the Spirit and how the Lord really, truly does have a plan for all of us. He only asks us to trust Him, and the only way we can do that is through Faith. GROW YOUR FAITH. Read the scriptures, FEAST upon them and learn to love the Lord with all your heart, might mind and strength...that you can stand blameless before God at the last day. He isn't looking for our mistakes to punish us...but looking for us to admit our mistakes so that He can cleanse us. That's all He wants...is for us to wash our hands and enter into His rest. I love the Lord and am so grateful that He has allowed me to serve Him.

baci e abracci,

Sorella Bowman

Oh My Soul Hungered...

Wednesday, February 22, 2012 9:53 AM

My heart cried out: "Please Lord, release me from pain and from doubt." Oh my soul hungered, the moment I knelt down to pray, and felt all my doubts wash away. Oh my soul hungered, He heard my cry...the voice of the Lord spoke peace to my mind. Oh my soul hungered, things that were old became new...when I learned to feel what I already knew. .... With all my heart, with all my soul, I wrestled before the Lord to make my life whole...He filled my hunger, he fed my soul. He fed my soul...The Truth that belonged to everyone else, is now a sacred part of myself...Oh I found out what I could not find, when I heard in my heart...what I knew in my mind. With all my heart, with all my soul, I wrestled before the Lord to make my life whole. He filled my hunger, he fed my soul.  He fed my soul. Oh my soul hungered...

Have any of you ever felt this way? I have always loved this song...a simple testimony of the Savior's healing abilities. I always thought I knew exactly how this young man felt every time I heard it...but this week, I had a beautiful experience of TRULY gaining a trust within these words. Let me see, how do I really explain this??

I guess it all starts with my companion just having a smack down talk with me. Come to find out...I have trust issues. haha! I look at my future and it's always been, my whole life, "Meh...i don't know if I REALLY want to risk this...because I don't know the outcome. Howabout i just run away and pretend it (meaning anything...whether it be college, or a decision for a job, or even interacting with other people) never happened and nobody gets hurt?" Howabout I just be a weenie and take the easy way out instead of going for what i really want? Yeah...let's just be a weenie...everyone likes hotdogs right? But, my companion has taught me to step up to the plate and really TRUST in my Heavenly Father. Down right, looked me in the eyes and said "Sorella Bowman, will you trust in your Heavenly Father?" And it hit me that I really didn't...i didn't have faith...I didn't want to make certain decisions because I didn't know the reason or outcome right then. YEAH...OKAY?? A MISSION CAN BE A STRESSFUL THING!! 

On the mission you get promptings that you don't know WHERE they came from because they just DO NOT make sense...to you. My companion helped me realize, they don't have to make sense because...Heavenly Father knows best and He knows MORE. If it feels okay, but you aren't sure...just remember it's from Heavenly Father...pay attention to how you feel and DON'T ask for the "why." She showed me a talk from last month's Liahona called "Looking Up" by Elder Carl B. Cook. It was an answer to prayers...again. As I was stressing about decisions to make here in the mission my companion sent me to my room...to pray. As I knelt down, just like throwing my hands in the air, and admitting, most embarrassingly, I had a hard time with faith and a hard time with trust...

I felt the Lord near me...and still love me. I apologized for not being fully in...I was scared, I don't know what the future holds and I don't know what kind of work He wants me to do. And then...I made a decision...and felt all my doubts wash away. I asked the Lord to help me find my answer to my trust issues when I opened the scriptures...I had to try like 6 times to open it because it would just fall shut...but when it finally opened...Alma 32...and I laughed...and I read just one line...and laughed again..."Faith is a hope in that which is not seen which is true." And that was my answer. It was like Heavenly Father saying: "You know...and now, you need to trust that I will work everything out. Let ME be the driver"

I have been working on really digging deep in my personal studies...really diving into the scriptures and really making my study times count. It's really a shame how everything starts making sense at the END of your mission and you find how to REALLY do things are the END of your mission...but that's all apart of the growing process, right? I have been working on seeing what a testimony truly is and just really baring testimony of things to my investigators. I cannot BELIEVE how many experiences and trials I have experienced...just to teach certain people..who NEED those things at that exact moment. Our little investigator Liz...opened up to us and come to find out, the thing that I had experienced the NIGHT BEFORE...was exactly what she needed to know and understand. Proverbs 3:5-6 also came to my mind as I was praying for some revelation... "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." 

I know that all the Lord wants from me is to trust Him. I know that is all He wants from any of us. I would sit in frustration as my companion would just whip out personal revelation...and me always asking myself "how do I know if this is from Heavenly Father, or just my own desires?" Elder Bednar answers...Be a good girl and it will all work out. I am coming to learn that and I am finding how much happier I am...not only in my mission, but also in life! Trust in the Lord...don't worry about what the future holds, just know that the Lord has a plan for each and every one of us and if we strive to follow Him, I KNOW He will not lead me or YOU somewhere you won't desire to remain or to be in. Oh...*sigh* how grateful I am for this gospel...how grateful I am for a Heavenly Father who loves me no matter how stinkin' stubborn I am...WHICH I am working on to change :)

We had an AMAZING experience with two new investigators we have...Michele and Claudia. I don't have much time to explain, I'll have to elaborate next time..BUT from the moment we walked into their home to the moment we left, I was in awe. This 24 year old young man has a love for the Savior that was breathtaking to behold. He was actually polite to us, actually considerate, and you could see the sensitivity and love he holds for his Savior. I'd like for everyone to remember that there are still good people out there. There ARE still good people here in Italy. It was a little disheartening to have an actualy shock, in realizing that he and his girlfriend are actually, genuinely kind people. And ROMANIAN for heaven's sake! The Romanian people, mainly men, are very rude and sister missionaries have to protect themselves...but...it was a beautiful thing to see this desire to learn of their Savior instilled in their hearts. All in all, they want to be baptized (after the first lessons) and have been searching how to be married in the Salt Lake Temple. They found a picture one day and said to each other that someday they'll get married there....pretty amazing, huh? Here I am struggling to find it within myself to trust the Lord with my own life, as I am teaching people to trust in Him with theirs, He places a miracle in my lap...

A few days later from all this struggle (which is today)

I am trusting in the Lord. And I am so grateful for the journey He has taken me on to get there...and I am excited for the journey He is leading me on now...to strengthen it :)

Hakuna Matata,

sorella bowman

"I Ask For Nothing, I Can Get By...

Wednesday, February 15, 2012 9:45 AM

 

 

but I know so many, less lucky than I. Please help the people...the poor and downtrod, I thought we all were...the children of God."

 

There is a little bit of Disney trivia for you. The Italian sisters have been listening to American disney music as apart of language study and this song has really stuck to my heart. So many people really do say the words of this fabulously written song. By memory, I am going to write the words..and even though Esmerelda is singing to Mary...I like to think of it as a prayer someone says to Heavenly Father, or even a conversation with our Savior, Jesus Christ. 

 

"I don't know if you can hear me...or if you're even there. I don't know if you will listen to a "sinner's" prayer. Yes, I know I'm just an outcast. I shouldn't speak to you. But, still I see your face and wonder...were you once an outcast too. God help the outcasts, hungry from birth. Show them the mercy they don't find on earth. God help the outcasts, who look to you still, God help the outcasts, or nobody will." Then you hear the prayers of others..."I ask for wealth, I ask for fame. I ask for glory to shine on my name. I ask for love I can't posses, I ask for God and His angels to bless me." And then the humility again, "I ask for nothing, I can get by. But I know so many less lucky than I. Please help my people the poor and downtrod, I thought we all were the children of God."

 

What always catches me..."I don't know if you can hear me, or if you're even there..." How many times have I asked? I think it has been, I've lacked the faith to listen. I knew things would always work out, no matter what the situation would be...but sometimes I couldn't recognize the hand of the Lord. To have faith is to really TRUST in the Lord. No longer do I trust in myself, just as Nephi says to never trust in the arm of the flesh, but honestly to TRUST IN THE LORD. Even when you don't know WHY something has to be done, I can testify if you feel a prompting to do it...then go forward and you will have the reassurrance burn within your heart. Never question what happens after, because that also is the Lord following through with the prompting He gave you. Say you write a letter, someone you have felt to write for a while, you send it off and the burden is lifted. And then a few days letter, a friend says that it wouldn't be the best thing for this person to receive it. And yet, you still receive a spiritual confirmation that what this friend says is true. Oh how great the goodness is of the Lord and the plans He has for us all. If any of you question whether or not the Lord will listen to a "sinner's" prayer, I testify that He wants more than anything to hear them. I know it's true. You have to faith to talk with Him, He has the power to heal you. We are ALL children of God. I know this.

 

In fact, last Wednesday I was hobbling onto the bus with my ugly stampanella...a crutch? Right? And I hear this voice of a man asking me to take his seat...in English. As I thank the man, it was actually his friend who encouraged him. As I looked at this friend, I KNEW I recognized him...but I couldn't remember how. And so I asked him and he humbly says, yes, we had met before and his name is Michele. He goes to tell me, in broken english, that he has been reading the Book of Mormon and appreciates the strength of the testimonies of the prophets. We keep talking and he tells me that he is afraid to die. How can anyone know what the purpose is for this world? He really is scared. And at first I laughed because I didn't know what he was saying...it wasn't making sense in English because HE LAUGHED TOO after he said it, and then he said that he was serious. And I looked straight into his eyes and testified very, very simply that I KNOW that he is a child of God and that God loves him. He looked at me and smiled and said "I'm glad" and he started laughing. ANd I asked him if he thought that I was joking and he said, "No. I am glad because I know you know. I know what you say is true and I know, because you told me, I can know for myself." Case and point. We are ALL children of God.

 

My companion is sick again, and on Tuesday we had a FULL day of appointments. It was odd because on Monday night, I had a strong impression to NOT leave the house. I thought I was freaking myself out with all the strikes happening and such...but in reality...it needed to be for the health of my companion. I'm worried for her right now, and I ask you all to keep her in your prayers. We don't really know what's going on...but we just have to keep staying inside. Nonetheless, I had a WONDERFUL study session yesterday. So many connections were made and Heavenly Father helped me make connections that I never made before. For example, in Revelations 22:14 it actually talks about the tree of life!! The whole chapter does! What is the tree of life? Well, let me just whip out my beautiful little copy of the Book of Mormon and share a dream my little friend, Lehi, had just a few years back. I then went on to do my own personal study, reading in 2 Nephi 27:15-18 is a prophecy of what happened EXACTLY to Joseph Smith!! It happened word for word in Joseph Smith History 1:65!! HOW AMAZING?!? Why would Joseph Smith write a WHOLE BOOK and even mention a humiliation that happened to Martin Harris? It's because he wouldn't! But prophets would testify and HOW BEAUTIFUL IS THE FACT THAT WE HAVE THE RESTORED GOSPEL AGAIN ON THE EARTH?!??! What was the need for a restoration? So many people do NOT understand that concept here...It's because when the Apostasy happened...which happened because the apostles were killed. When they were killed there was NO ONE CALLED to be direct messengers of God. Sure, there were men who held the priesthood, but they were not called to receive revelation. And thus, the priesthood began to be abused. As we know in Doctrine and Covenants 121, when the priesthood is abused there is no validity. Thus, the priesthood was lost. Literally, LOST!! And the restoration needed to happen so that the priesthood could be righteously used once more on the earth. It was the BEST study I have EVER had and so many things were made clear, and so simply too! I would say it is like "Duh, Sorella Bowman..even I knew that" but the thing is, I knew it...but never understood all the exact details. AND WHERE DO WE FIND THESE DETAILS??? Yeah, in the scriptures. Read them. If you haven't read them today...I would exhort you to do so...I really love it when I can truly FEAST upon the scriptures...you can feel the hunger in your spirit and you can feel it be satisfied. I didn't want to put my materials down but other things in the mission called. How grateful I am!!

 

(Big grin) I know that this church is true. I know that my Heavenly Father is leading me down paths that I never imagined I would be on...but without being sacreligious, I know He is leading me "down the path that rocks!" (yes, disney trivia again) How grateful I am to the Prophet Joseph Smith and all he did for this world and how I am so priviledged to be learning EXACTLY what the work of the Lord is. Sometimes, the work comes through a positive show of numbers...others, it's finally opening the heart of a companion and letting her cry after years, and years, of pain and anger. that's when you feel the Savior's love, and THAT's when I feel most like a missionary. A disciple of Christ. When you can see hearts changed, and you can feel the power of the Atonement working in them. I testify of these things, in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ...Amen.

 

bacci e abracci,

sorella bowman