Anyone Awake?

The reason she titled this "Anyone awake" is because sometimes we catch each other in the morning when she writes and we chat back and forth. I wasn't home this morning when she wrote so I missed her. Sad days. 


Wednesday, May 2 2012 9:19 AM

 Yoohoo! Thank you so much for your emails this week. I know, I know...I had to think back on my email's I've sent and it kind of troubled me that you and Dad were so worried. Honestly, I freak out in this hour and then off I go again doing the work. P-Day's don't feel like P-Days anymore...we are constantly looking and constantly adjusting so we can teach and talk to people. We DO have to be more careful at nighttime, because it's summer now and creepy...like legit creepsters are out and about...and gross. But, I carry around my pepper spray, and my ankle is strong enough...so if we have to take off, I can! And Sorella Hanks is really proud of her little soccer sprinter quads...she's "gotta good kick!" and isn't afraid to use it! Haha!

We are really excited for the work that is going on. Our work has taken a different direction than most missionaries, but we are seeing a LOT of success. When we go and find these less actives, we end up teaching them like investigators. Most have forgotten almost everything, if not all. And most are part-member families. YAY! We decided to just put our tracting shoes on and go find the names out in San Donato...a little country paiese..very quiet and not much going on, about an hour mediante Metro. But there was a LONG list. We had been praying really hard to make this time worth while, and when we finished the day...we felt VERY accomplished. EVERY SINGLE PERSON we passed by was home...and EVERY SINGLE PERSON we passed by said how happy they were to see the missionaries. Some hadn't seen missionaries in YEARS...let alone members. One, well 2 families the Bishop gave for us to go and see...basically because he has given up on them...we found themand they were so receptive! And we have an appointment with one of the families this Saturday...WHICH we are very excited for! The progress with Francesca is moving, but moving slowly. She FINALLY understands the importance of prayer and WHY we need to pray with our hearts. Mind you, this has been the lesson for the past like...month...and finally something CLICKED...I mentally slapped my forehead once she said "Well, you think you would have told me this before!" Oih...hahah but that day I had prayed for patience and I had prayed for love for her and not frustration because we were teaching the same lesson OVER AGAIN...and that extra please for patience worked!

I am finding that I am more at peace with myself and the direction of my mission. Do I know who I am? Yes, I am a daughter of God...my Heavenly Father, who loves me even when I don't love myself. So when my mind turns in that direction, those thoughts are NOT from the Savior...or even me because I KNOW I am here in this life to improve...it's tools of the adversary. Here on this mission, we are given EVERY SINGLE TOOL to feel good about ourselves. And I KNOW now that I wasn't being a lazy missionary when I wasn't able to get up...I was literally sick. How do I know? These past couple days I have been getting up early and encouraging my companion for a run! The moment I had some flour...I was sick to my stomach for a whole day...and even a little bit today. I know that I can be what the Lord wants me to be and He IS guiding me. I am starting to not second guess...and just go ahead and ask. There isn't any harm. The other day I saw a mother with her daughter, a beautiful woman from Peru. I thought "Ask her the baby's name" and then i started to second guess...and a thought came to my mind "You are growing now and you have more peace with yourself...just ask. You have only once to do this..." And so I did. Her baby's name was Linda and I talked with her about how, Oh My Goodness! That's MY sister's name too! And we got off the same stop as her, just to talk with her...she wasn't really interested and kept pushing her stroller faster and faster...haha yeah I jogged after her....and I ended up testifying of the family and leaving a pass along card. DID I JUST JOG AFTER SOMEONE? PUSHING A STROLLER? IN THE RAIN? Yes my friends, heck yes I did. And it felt so good!! I really do love sharing the gospel and honestly, my heart feels SO LIGHT.

I have been studying about repentance and the process of it all. How can we ever forgive ourselves for the things that we have done? How can we get rid of those memories that bog us down and turn us to things that we want to leave in the past? I thought it impossible. And I had been praying for a solution for quite sometime...One day I was studying PMG Chapter 1...My purpose as a missionary and I couldn't study...all I could think was "Go say a prayer and talk with Heavenly Father" I kept brushing it aside because I HAD TO STUDY...but finally I couldn't put it off anymore and I did. I knelt down and I prayed. I recognized. I confessed word for word my feelings and my doings and my guilt. How can I perform restitution? That answer came from Heavenly Father. "Don't worry about it...you have repented and I have accepted your repentance for a while now. YOU just need to forgive yourself. Remember? When you repent, I the Lord remember them no more. Now it's your turn." A scripture I had read over and over again smacked me right in the face and illuminated EVERYTHING. And my life has changed. The beauty of the Tree of Life, Lehi's vision...and the fruit being the Atonement...it's true. It really is the most delicious thing for your soul...it's the only balm there is. And I have finally come to myself and made it my goal to talk with as many people as I can...and testify of simple truths. People will KNOW what we, the nametag bearers, stand for, even if we don't get to share our whole message. God loves us. He sent His Son Jesus Christ to die for us. We KNOW He is the same yesterday, today and forever because He speaks to ALL people. How do we know? A prayer was said by a young boy, only 14 years old and he wanted to know what church was true. God and Jesus Christ appeared to him and Christ said to not join ANY of the churches, but that later in life, he would be called a prophet of God to lead and guide His children back to Him. The Book of Mormon is proof of this. You can read this for yourself and come to know the Love God has specifically for you. The Atonement not only took care of our sins, but also our heartaches, our troubles, our fears, and HE HAS PROVIDED A WAY FOR US TO LEAVE THEM ALL BEHIND. I testify of this with love in my heart and tears in my eyes...I KNOW it is true with all my heart. When you forgive and love yourself, understanding that whatever happens, the Lord is in it...the sun shines brighter and the gospel is that much sweeter and the love you have for complete strangers is real. (tears in eyes again). I know, I only have one chance and if you had spoken to me about this a month ago, I would have felt hopeless. But now, I feel more excitement, love and hope for my mission than ever before. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ...and He LOVES His brothers and sisters....and Heavenly Father LOVES His children. Prayer and obedience, faith and hope are the keys...as well as studying the scriptures, meditating and asking the Lord "Where must we (I) go today?" And I KNOW He leads us! Every missionary is different, every city is different, but we each bring the same message in different ways. THE GOSPEL OF THE LORD JESUS CHRIST HAS BEEN RESTORED. COME UNTO HIM AND BE BAPTIZED IN HIS NAME AND RECEIVE A REMISSION OF YOUR SINS. Has anyone noticed how many times "repent" is mentioned in the Book of Mormon? The Lord talks of the punishments that will happen IF you don't repent. Repent and everything will be fine! I am so grateful we can do this each and everyday.

"Pray unto the Father in the name of Jesus" and "all things shall come together for your good." This I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

p.s. Liz (from Genova) was baptized on the 14th of April. The Elder's called President and asked President to tell me. Liz is doing wonderfully and is a complete rockstar in the ward!! MIRACLES HAPPEN! Also, a couple that was baptized last week in Lodi...turns out they had met with the missionaries 7 years ago...3 scheda FULL of information. Never lose hope...and always keep track!